my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Someone came in the potted fern
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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