it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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