have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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