Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
