you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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