I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
