in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
