I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
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