i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
