Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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