i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
