Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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