i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
