Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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