Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
