I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
