Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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