apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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