I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
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