So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
