good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
