I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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