I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
