You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
