Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
