Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
