I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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