I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
