I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
