I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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