I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Randomize
