do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
