I'm jealous of your bromance
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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