We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
