Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
