Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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