oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
