Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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