I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I just gargled with NyQuil
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
