he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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