He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
