Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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