Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
