It's just like the Real World with babies
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
