He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
