i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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