So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
