..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
