Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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