i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
