how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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