That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
