I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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